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When I was in high school, nobody gave me frank answers to this thing called "reality". I was living in a bubble and all I could see were the rainbow patterns drifting around, oblivious to what was really going on outside.
My teachers would encourage me to dream big, and I would fall carelessly into my own imagination and lose myself in dreams of the future, thinking that once this whole "education" system was over, I'd soon get to that stage where I'd enjoy a fancy bubble bath with rose petals and candle light while sipping a glass of Laurent-Perrier Rose, staring into the starlit night through the glass walls of my penthouse.
It turns out, high school is just a stage in life where, if you are someone like me, you get to enjoy the final stages of being a dependent; a young and carefree lady (or gentleman) who can juggle homework, exams, student council responsibilities, the volleyball and track and field teams, prayer obligations and the occasional Saturday afternoons with your friends. Not to mention graduate on time while still making it to the top 10 list of honor students.
I was 10th on that list.
I am not bragging. I am simply reminding myself that even though college turned out to be the complete opposite of what I experienced back in the "old" days, I did experience being at the top of my game; the leader of the pack; the alpha dog. And I'm proud of that. And though college turned my once idealist self into a realist (I still like to consider myself an optimist though, even if I know I may very well not be.), I did have a good four years of torture.
They were four years of independence... (alright three if you don't include freshman year because, frankly speaking, we didn't have a clue what we were doing then) and the years I spent took me into a whirlwind of adventure; a dive so deep it made a permanent mark into my whole depiction of the world; of my future.
It turns out I burst that bubble and have emerged into the state of adulthood. And I say this because right now, things are different; no more exams, no more midterms, no more cramming for a test because of partying the night before. This time, the mistakes I will make will have greater consequences to my life; I can't simple pass the next test if I fail the first one. College was a transition into reality, which is funny because I thought college was where reality emerged in all its splendor.
Now, being an individual responsible for my own life completely (and possibly for a few others), things are starting to get real. Questions start to rise and they bite me in the ass every time; and I realize that the only bubbly I can afford is the one you use to wash those dirty dishes that have been lying around for the past 4 hours (and I am being discreet here).
Money was something I did not have a lot of, but when I did have it, I'd spend it on experiences, and I guess this is why people would think I had a lot (and I did like the feeling of being wealthy, even if it was just for a moment). Now, everything is built on practicality; you need to be practical to survive. But I don't want a life lingering on that; I am a woman fueled by passion and driven by adventure! And although the adventures I experience now consist mostly of, well, odd jobs, I never lost that high school dreamer in me that I once knew.
Money was something I did not have a lot of, but when I did have it, I'd spend it on experiences, and I guess this is why people would think I had a lot (and I did like the feeling of being wealthy, even if it was just for a moment). Now, everything is built on practicality; you need to be practical to survive. But I don't want a life lingering on that; I am a woman fueled by passion and driven by adventure! And although the adventures I experience now consist mostly of, well, odd jobs, I never lost that high school dreamer in me that I once knew.
I love my life, and I love even more the life I see in my head every time I stare off into space. But seriously, looking back at all the things I did; the lies, the cries, the cramming, the partying, (I keep mentioning the partying), all of them were a part of why I'm the person I am now. And although I did not have everything I wanted; my vintage-style bath tub, a bottle of 1982 vintage Merlot to get me through rough patches, or a penthouse, I did get what I needed; the wrong friends to get me through, the right friends to get me going; the hot sweaty days and the long sleepless nights of studying; the bonfires, the beers, and the experience of a lifetime. Truly, I say to you, I would never trade these memories with all the money in the world.
Well, maybe.
Hahaha, just kidding. ;-)
XXOO
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