In the Middle of November

No matter how many times people tell me to relax, I just can’t. It’s just not as easy for me to forget about my worries as it is for other people.

I know a few people who are almost worry-free at most points in their life. Life seems to be a breeze to them and it’s like I’m absorbing all their worries.

I’m no Spongebob.

But I am a sponge.

Spongebobette.

I remember that one afternoon when I dropped every bit of worry in my head and just had a good time. I don’t exactly know what came over me. I just felt… happy; seriously, plainly and utterly happy.

It’s surprising how my own self is almost a complete opposite of the “me” I allow people to know. It’s as if I don’t really know who I am, I just think I do.

Sometimes I feel like I’m just pretending to be this person I have to be rather than the person I am. 

But who am I exactly?

I never thought I’d be asking myself that question. I’ve always thought I knew myself. But in the bittersweet reality of it all, I may be unable to determine what truth really is.

As life pushes – no, drags me on, I can barely keep up. It makes me ask questions, makes me realize things; am I really being myself, or am I responding to the expectations of people?

I do not fully understand why I cannot just be happy where I am, enjoying who I am. I do not know why I have to struggle, wondering what I should become rather than just becoming what I want to be.

 Life is like New York, always busy, always jammed; a struggle. But somewhere, at some time; be it late Friday nights or early Sunday mornings, there is always that bit of happiness we enjoy when we take a sip of that cuppa’ jo. When we lie in bed, not worrying about that final exam nor that paper due Monday. When we just look up and tell ourselves that everything did turn out okay just like how we said it would when we were cramming over a college exam.

Now, I can just hope that when I wake up tomorrow morning, I’ll be able to smile at myself and say, “it will all be okay” and actually believe it. Because in the bigger picture of life, that’s all we can really rely on…

TTFN,

andSahar

Worry

Worry: it is strenuous.

I was very positive this afternoon, unusually happy in fact. I didn't know why... then I thought about it;

It was raining and I had to go to the mall to get a gift for a friend who'd be celebrating her birthday that evening. As I said, it was raining, and it was raining quite hard. I put on a happy face, stepped onto the balcony and said, "Lord, stop the rain!" and waited...

 Nothing happened. Then I whispered, "It was worth a try.", smiled to myself and went back inside to change.

 Just a minute before I stepped out of the front door, the rain stopped into a drizzle, a very light one at that. I was surprised with myself because I tried not to worry about the rain and it paid off.

When the bible said that if we had the faith of a mustard seed and commanded a mountain to move it would, I don't think it was all about TRYING to ACQUIRE that faith, rather, to take away WORRY.

The reason we doubt is because we worry about so many things, and if we take away worry, we will surely be happier.

I always wondered how those carefree people do it; calm in difficult situations, happy in desperate moments, and just freely living their lives the way they want to. The secret is to lessen worry.

It's THAT simple. Well, the secret is, but the mere act isn't.

Then again, why should we be worried? All we need to do is try.

I did, just this afternoon when I prayed the rain would stop. I was worried I'd get my pants all muddy. But I deleted worry from my hard drive and viola, I ended up having a damn good day.

Worry, that witty monster.

TTFN,

andSahar