The Hard Way

I know it isn't right for me to be ungrateful for what I have, but I am. I've got so much I should be thankful about - and I am thankful too - but then when I look at all the pictures of other people's lives, I take a step back and wonder why I do not enjoy the same things they do.

People have told me that I am very lucky and I yet, I have realized that there are so many different kinds of "lucky". The "luckiness" varies from person to person and their way of life.

Let me make this clearer to you; If a blind man tells you that you are lucky, he means it by saying you are not deprived of your five senses. If an orphan tells you that you are lucky, it is meant by saying you have a family and must be grateful for that. If a poor teenager tells you that you are lucky, she means it by saying you have enough money to pay for your college tuition. And if you take all these into mind and tell some rich woman that she is lucky, then it is like telling yourself that you are deprived of the things that she enjoys. And it pains me to admit that whenever I look at a rich person, I somehow admit to myself indirectly that I am incomplete, even if I was ensured by the blind man, the orphan and the poor teenager that I was.

I have once written down on paper all the things I hate about myself. I did not feel better, I felt worse.

I have always seen my life as something blessed and good, yet when I stumble upon the lives of others, I sometimes don't feel that lucky anymore. Countless times I have written about my insecurities. Countless, countless times, but pouring out what I feel doesn't seem to work.

The question is, what will suffice?

The answer? "Count your BLESSINGS instead of sheep."

To sum it all up, I don't really believe in luck. Anymore. Now to take that paper and erase all my sheep drawings...

TTFN,

andSahar