Regrets

"Ever walk into a situation where you know exactly what's going to happen, and then you go and do it anyway, and then when what you're afraid of happens, you kick yourself because you should've known better. But that's just who you are. So you keep punishing yourself."

~Snow White; Once Upon a Time

I have been in many situations where I knew in my mind what was going to happen; I knew the consequences, and I knew that I could save myself a great deal if I just simply walked away. And now I live with regret, thinking to myself, wondering; why didn't I just walk away?

I feel like a stupid schoolgirl who failed her exams because she refused to study her lessons, even though she was given so many chances to do so. Wait - I still am that stupid schoolgirl.

I just never learn my lessons for the long run. Do I have to be constantly reminded of how shitty being regretful feels? The uneasiness makes me want to puke every time; knowing that I'm not right with God, with others and with myself.

But that's just how it is. I think the thing we have to constantly remind ourselves is; you can't take back the past and redo your mistakes. You just gotta learn how to deal with your life and keep learning. It's painful to wait for forgiveness. So do the time. Earn it. Learn. And when someone questions you, be strong and humble; you know you've done wrongly, so accept it, apologize, learn from it and carry on. 

Keep calm. Life's too short to live in regret, because if you do, you're more likely to regret living.

I Dream a Dream

   Working at a lab has got me to thinking about what I really want to be in life; and it is not a Chemist. I've finally found my true calling. I want to be someone who always do different things all the time.

Someone like Angelina Jolie who helped the poor, is an ambassador, models, acts and at the same time, juggles with life as a mom, a wife and a woman.

I want to be like Taylor Swift who sings for millions, touching their lives and at the same time lives her life as a teen fulfilling her dreams, endorsing CoverGirl, selling dresses, acting as both actress and voice character, and at the same time searching for the man of her dreams.

   
 I want to rock the world with my music and be a performer like Avril Lavigne, I want to feel those jitters backstage before every performance; I want to take photography classes and be photographed; I want to go horseback riding and take archery; I want to be able to bake and open the cafe' my mom, sister and I have dreamed about back in the year 2000 when we'd make little clay replicas of the cakes and pastries we'd create; I want to act and wear beautiful gowns and be on magazines for all the right reasons - even if they could find some fault in my fashion sense. I want to be trending on twitter and have my own fan page; I want to take boxing and do pilates and endorse products I believe in.

These are dreams almost every girl has, as they are mine. And though I do not feel in my soul that this is my destiny, it sure is a great thing to dream about. And if I could find the tiniest hope in my heart (and I already have), I would try my best to take this dream to the world.

   So get ready world. I'm 20 years old, but I've still got 80 years left!

Fashion Hauls

I've been on youtube and have seen so many fashion hauls by teens and women who spend a lot and have lots to spend on. It's crazy fun watching all the awesome things they get for themselves then seeing yet another video of their whole new fashion haul the next week or month on items so totally new and different. I'll have to admit, I'm a little jealous, but unlike before, I'm more excited now about what my future has in store.
I'm pretty excited because I'll have my own job, I'll get my own salary, I have a basic plan of action to get rich and I am pretty pushed now. I just hope this determination wouldn't die down after a few month's time. I have a lot on my checklist, and one of them is an Apple/Sony laptop. I'm all for functionality and style.
I just hope that when I reach that age where I can get all these things I'd still be fairly young. I want to enjoy my 20's like a gal in her twenties should. I didn't get to enjoy my teen years like a teen should and so I want to make it up to myself.
Anyway, it's getting late, actually it already is. I'll call it a night - or a morning.
^^

Black and White

Five men. Four I don't care for, but the fifth.

Why is life like that? I keep asking myself why life is so unfair. I don't have a clear answer to any of my life questions. Who does, anyway?

I recently reflected on this and thought to myself; maybe that Man above wants me to get the best. Maybe He just wants me to experience falling in love, heartbreaks, dates and all that romance on people who are worth my time.
People who are worth my time.

Who exactly are those people? I long to experience someone who'll love me enough to wait for my "yes" after months and months of waiting, someone who'd stalk me in secret, know what I've been doing and what I've been writing and do all those little details that'l make me smile. And someone who would pick me up and always be willing to spend on gas to do so just to be able to show that he cares about me. But there's nothing more I'd love than to belong to a man I love back with all my heart.

The four of them have nothing special; there's no Chemistry, there's no connection. I usually know when I like a guy if, when he calls me, I'd be happy to receive the call. But if I hesitate and refuse to answer, then I am not interested.

And there is only one person who I wish would call me; the fifth. The fifth who I started to like but who doesn't care. Why does life have to be like that? Is he worth my time?


Thinking about it, I should admit that he isn't.

Life is like Black and White streaks. The darkness creeps up to haunt us but the dawn will come streaming in. Just like the days and nights.

One thing's for sure though; that it's always darkest before dawn.

Disorganized Harmony

I'm on my phone, in the dormitory, wandering about the lobby, looking for things to do that will benefit me academically.

So far I read and finished a chic flick book for four hours straight, and I watched two episodes of some korean soap opera until after 6:30pm. And now it's 7:17pm and what am I doing?
Blogging.
In front of the telly no less.

I am a wreck.

I am never in the mood to study, constantly thinking about that boy, about that girl, about that exam and what other worries I have in my silly mind. And to make things worse, I am sick.

In a few minutes I will stare at the stars outside and admire the vastness of disorganized harmony of which they have been placed. And when I get home, I shall continue with my painting.

Really looking forward to meeting someone like how Kate met William in London in the book "Have Glass Slippers, Will Travel".

But what am I thinking?

Calling me a hopeless romantic is the understatement of the year, and the year hasn't even started yet, really.

So with luck, I will succeed with my efforts to get out of here and reach my dreams, wherever my efforts shall take me.